Curly kid, straight haired parent: a wash day that works

The five rules that matter most

1. Stop washing daily. Once a week is normal, sometimes less. Shampoo strips oils that curly hair badly needs, and daily washing is the single most common mistake.
2. Detangle wet, with conditioner in. Never dry, never from the roots down. Saturate with conditioner, then work from the ends upward in small sections with fingers or a flexible detangling brush.
3. Leave in goes on soaking wet hair. Not damp, not towel dried. The water is the moisture. The product only holds it there.
4. Do not brush it dry. That is what turns defined curls into a frizz halo. If you need to refresh, use a spray bottle of water.
5. Satin pillowcase or bonnet. Cotton pulls moisture out overnight and roughs up the cuticle. This is the cheapest step here and it prevents most of the morning tangles.

A wash day, step by step

1. Detangle gently before you get in, or wait and do it under water with conditioner. Whichever, be patient.
2. Wash the scalp, not the lengths. The lengths get clean from the runoff.
3. Conditioner from mid length to ends, generously. Leave it while you do everything else.
4. Detangle now, in sections, ends first. This is the step that prevents most breakage.
5. Rinse with cool water if your child will tolerate it.
6. Squeeze out water with a microfibre towel or an old cotton t shirt. Do not rub with a terry towel.
7. Leave in on soaking wet hair, raked through in sections.
8. A curl cream or gel on top if you want definition.
9. Air dry, or diffuse on low. Do not touch it while it dries. Touching is what causes frizz.

Products that suit children's hair

Children's curls are usually finer than an adult's, which means the heavy type 4 products marketed for textured hair are often too much and leave hair limp and greasy.

• Kinky-Curly Knot Today is the detangler most curly hair parents end up buying twice.
• Cantu Care for Kids is tear free, light, and about six dollars.
• SheaMoisture Coconut and Hibiscus, the pink one, is lighter than their other lines and suits kids well.
• Mielle Babassu Oil and Mint conditioner has real slip, which makes detangling far less of a fight.
• A satin bonnet and a flexible detangling brush matter more than any single bottle.

The part that is not about products

If you are a parent whose hair is nothing like your child's, particularly a white parent raising a Black or mixed child, the hair is not only a practical problem. It carries a lot, and how it is cared for and talked about matters.

A few things worth knowing.

• Never describe their hair as difficult, unmanageable or a nightmare in front of them, even in frustration on a bad wash day.
• Find people who share their hair type. A Black or mixed stylist who works with children is worth the money, and not only for the haircut.
• Learning to do it yourself matters. It is a form of care they will remember.
• Detangling should not hurt. If your child dreads wash day, something in the method needs to change, not their tolerance.

Get a routine for your child's hair

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